Is It Okay to Be Happy?

In my last post I opened up about some things I struggle with. This post is somewhat of a followup.

Life, liberty, and the never ending pursuit of happiness.. That is how it should have been stated. We all live, but are we truly living? We claim liberty, but are we really free? Can one ever truly be happy?

I believe happiness is not a worthy pursuit at all. Instead, we must choose to be happy despite our current circumstances. One may call this being joyful and it is easier said than done.

One cannot always be happy and we just have to accept that. To pursue happiness is to chase the wind. If it is our focus, it will never be attained. We can feel the wind. So too can we feel joy if we allow ourselves too.

The pursuit of happiness is also very self-centered. What about others' happiness? Are we willing to sacrifice theirs so we may be granted ours? This appears to be the case: parents pursuing what they think they want while forgetting their kids' happiness; us being blind to the hurts of others because doing so would bring us down and their happiness is not what concerns us as long as we remain intact emotionally; people going to greater and greater lengths just to 'feel happy' from time to time without regard to how their behavior effects those around them.

I believe pursuing other people's happiness can be a great source of joy in our own lives.

One reaps what one sows.

To love others with the sole purpose of bringing them joy will bring one joy as well, if we allow it to. There will be times the love is not reciprocated and people pleasing is not what I am aiming at here, but there are those that will respond to our genuine acts of love and will return the favour.

Those relationships should be cherished and fostered. Never deviate from loving the other for their sake or the whole thing will fall apart because we will have allowed selfishness and our pursuit of happiness to creep in once again.

Let us love, and do unto, our neighbour as we love, and would have done unto, ourselves.

The Fear of Being Known

I have often wondered why I have a hard time with receiving love and accepting forgiveness.

I know myself more intimately than anyone, therefore, I see just how wretched I am as a man. When I look at myself and realize just how messed up I am I feel shame; I become depressed. 

I have always struggled to forgive myself and instead have tried to distract myself in different ways so as not to feel the pain of seeing who I am inside. This, of course, becomes a never ending cycle that is almost impossible to break. 

As someone who believes in Jesus Christ, I believe He knows me better than I know myself and that scares me. It is because of that fear that I have a hard time receiving His love. It does not compute to be fully known, yet still fully loved. I cannot do that for myself so how can anyone else? That is the beauty of grace though, is it not?

I choose to run from love for fear of being truly known and ruining it all. I hide behind laughter and project a very surfaced version of myself so as not to betray my shame, fear, and self-loathing. I look for acceptance in others so as to convince myself I am of some value in this world.

I have tried to be honest with others as best I can and many still love me despite seeing my ugliness, but I just cannot bring myself to accept that sometimes. I know that I should find solace in being valued by God, but the honest truth is I usually have a hard time really believing that. 

I know this is a more depressing post and I do not have any solutions, but I talked about being honest in my last post, so here is the ugly truth about some of what I stuggle with daily. I believe talking about it helps and my hope is that it will help others.

Something I do know and am trying my best to understand is: I am wholly loved, despite myself, by God and those people He has chosen to bless me with. I am forgiven, now and forever, of all my sin and shame. Finally, I must do my best to forgive myself, let go and choose to love (and identify with) who I am in Christ. It is then I am set free to love others as they are and as Christ loves them because I have learned to accept the love of Christ and have chosen to love myself despite myself as Christ loves me.

The courage to be honest and vulnerable with others, to allow oneself to be known by them sets one free from shame and opens the door to discover what it truly means to be fully known, yet wholly loved. It also allows those people to feel more comfortable to be vulnerable and risk being known, setting them free from shame and opening the door to authentic love.

Honesty: The Key to a Healthy Life

If you spend any time around kids you usually will come to find how bluntly honest they can be about life. They will lay out their life situations, whatever they may be, as they are, and usually without shame. Perhaps this is because they may not know any better, or really understand what is going on. Perhaps they just see life as it is, accept it for what it is, and therefore tell it like it is.

They do so without letting it take away from who they are as well. They are still children and behave as such. This is not to say it does not affect them, but they just seem to handle it better by not letting it define nor own them. They are usually still loyal and full of love towards those who put them in those situations, though there may be sadness there.

Like children, we too should be open and honest about our lives with others no matter how ugly it may be. We are all messed up and dealing with stuff so why hide it? An open, honest life with others frees you from the weight you may carry and helps to relieve those around you. Others see they are not alone and are more inclined to share their own lives with you. In return you can also help them.

There are too many people suffering alone in this world and I believe it is due to the fear of being honest with others. We project a better version of ourselves and therefore have very shallow relations with our fellow man. My whole life I have struggled with the inherent conviction that I can do nothing but perform well in order for others to accept me. The sad reality to that, however, is that no one gets to know the real you and there is always the struggle to keep face. That gets exhausting.

One can go their whole life doing this, perhaps to earn the favor of God or whatever. The reality is they still die and their life was more a waste than they believed. They toiled so hard to earn God's favor, and the favor of others, and all that was asked of them was to follow Jesus, to love him and to love others.

Many times our pursuit to maintain the "being a good person" aspiration distracts us from real relationships. "Being a good person" is not a worthy venture any way because no one can truly be good through and through. Only God is good, which is why he came on this earth to die so as to cover our sorry asses.

Allowing yourself to be known and airing your dirty laundry sucks, but it also brings freedom. All of Christianity's "heroes of the Bible" had done some pretty messed up stuff, which was written down for billions of people to read and learn from over the millenia. These people were also called friends of God, whereas those who tried to save face and be legalistic were not.

When things are brought to the light they cannot maintain a hold on you and usually you will find others will understand. You may find they do not understand as well, but the chance to help others open up and find healing because you first opened up to them is worth the shame and pain at the beginning.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

David stated this in the Psalm he wrote after being rebuked by the prophet Nathan for taking another man's wife for his own and then arranging the murder of said man. If you have not read the 51st Psalm it is highly recommended.

Honesty frees us from fear because hiding things from others breeds paranoia. The truth will come out eventually and honesty up front brings about healing more quickly, whereas time and secrecy allows for the potential pain to stab deeper when the truth does eventually come out. This is because we convince others to believe in someone we are not and they become accustomed to that person. If we were honest up front about who we were, people would know what to expect, and the impact would not be as drastic.

To open the door of your heart to others is to risk the opportunity for rich, authentic relationships. To keep that door closed off in different ways is to risk never knowing true intimacy with others and therefore completely miss out on the very reason we were created. Honesty in relationships is the crucible by which the strongest of friendships are forged. It is those relationships that will make a difference in life.

We are not alone in our struggles, so let us stop pretending like we are. Let us stop pretending we have all our shit together because we do not, and we never truly will. Let us instead open up and risk being truly known. Let us cease to strive to show others we are someone we can never truly be. Let us instead be open with others and in turn listen to them as they open up to us. Let us carry each others burdens so that we do not have to carry them alone.

Are We Without Sin?

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”
They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:1-11)

Sadly, there are countless times I have talked with one who would be considered the adulteress in this story and the church as a whole seems to still have the same attitude the Pharisees did. I myself have judged others based on their actions and this is something I'm still learning not to do. I believe we are not supposed to judge anyone, especially those outside the church. (Matthew 7:1-5) The only time I think it is acceptable is when you are teaching people how to live right in the context of the church. This should be an uplifting and encouraging thing to the one you are teaching and it should be done by those who have been through those struggles and overcome, for I believe that has the most power for change in others. (What I am talking about is what is done at the individual level, not in the context of teaching or preaching.)

Jesus says we will be judged by him with the measure we judge with. That is a scary thought. He taught us not to judge because none of us are without sin, so none of us have that right. Only he does and he taught us for our own benefit because the more we judge others, the more he will judge us.

I believe it is far better for us to look into our own selves and seek to make that right with the Lord, instead of looking outside ourselves to others and trying to make them right. We only have the power to change ourselves, not others, but doing so is shameful isn't it? It is not a fun thing to look at ourselves and realize how messed up we are, but the truth is, if we do not do this, we will never get better. When we decide to do this we realize how desperately we need Christ and we become humble. It is in this humility and seeking of self improvement that we have the most power for change over others.

When we have an attitude of humility in sharing our lives with others, they will be more likely to listen to what we have to say. When others understand where we have been, that we are just as lost without Christ as they are, and they understand that we are sharing from a place of love in looking at our own lives and not pointing out their stuff, they begin to listen. They already know we aren't perfect and that is why many get angry with the church because we pretend that we do have everything together when we really do not.

We need to stop being afraid to face ourselves, therefore, looking to others so as to hide our own insecurities. We should stop ignoring our own stuff and putting others down so we feel better about ourselves. We need to let go of our pride and admit we are still sinners in need of a Saviour every day. We must look to ourselves first, then look to Christ for the desperate help that we need. Only when we first do that will we be effective in helping others improve themselves and we will instead be doing it out of love for them, which is how it should be done.

None of us are without sin, so let us put down our stones.

Encouragement

Today I am going to brag about my wife. It it because of her that I am writing this blog after all. Maribeth has always been a very encouraging person. Whenever I have presented her with ideas she has always heard me out. If they have been good ideas, she has been consistent at encouraging me in them. If they haven't been the best ideas, however, she has been very gentle about telling me so, but was still willing to let me try and was still encouraging nonetheless. Writing is something she has always seen a potential in with me and so she has always been very encouraging about it. In fact, a lot of times I've had her proof read things before submitting them because she also has great input and insight. She has taken what I thought may have just been a whimsical dream and really pushed me into making it a reality. What she has done for me in helping to develop my dreams and myself as a man has been very powerful for me and it's that power, that of encouragement, that I would like to talk about today.

What she has taught me, and what I have observed when practicing encouragement with others, is a great tool to use with others. Not in the sense of manipulating them for your own purposes, but in the pure sense of seeing the potential in others and pushing them to bringing out that potential. Maribeth has always been selfless in her approach and I think that is the key to this whole thing. When you encourage others just for the sake of seeing them become a better self, and not for your own agenda, then you both find the most success and satisfaction. Everyone wins because they became a better self and you helped them get there. Whether you are encouraging a talent your child has that they cannot see yet, or you are helping to motivate a friend to do the right thing, you must never make it about yourself. If you do, then you end up getting frustrated because your own expectations aren't being met and are now actually being harmful to the person you were trying to help.

Another key to their success is consistency. At first a lot of people, like me, will need consistent encouragement because of an ever present lack of confidence. Beth didn't just initially tell me it was a good idea to write, she consistently told me it was good and convinced me. Even to this day when I have my doubts she is quick to turn them around by her encouraging words.

Now if one doesn't find success in what they wanted to pursue that's okay too. It's still good to let them try at least once and because of your encouragement they will still feel like it was worth a shot and they will be more inclined to try their next dream. Some things you may see as an unworthy pursuit, but I think this is where discretion should be used because if it is something they love to do then it may still be worthwhile to them. Even if they do not find success in it and move on to something else, they at least gave it a shot and you were there to cheer them on. Never tell them something was a waste of their time though. That will only serve to discourage them in the next thing that may not be a waste of time. With time they will see whether what they are pursuing is worthwhile or not. That isn't for us to decide for them. No matter what we must continue to be encouraging because eventually they will hit on something they are good at and you will have helped them discover it.

Today, let us try and be encouraging to someone just for the sake of encouraging them. You never know what kind of impact you will have on that person. When you practice it with consistency, ask them if they would appreciate your input, if they haven't told you so already. If they are okay with it, then be encouraging in what you say to give them outside insight into their dreams. If they are not okay with it, then respect that and don't take offense. Just continue to encourage them as they feel it out for themselves.

Thank you to my lovely wife, Maribeth. I love you very much sweetheart. It is because of your encouragement that I am able to have this joy of writing.

The Importance of Being Thankful

Being thankful helps us to reflect on the good in our life, thank those who have helped to create that good, and thank the One who has given us life. A lot of people are doing those thankful things for every day of this month and I think this is a really cool thing to do in order to shift our focus every day from that which may cause us grief to how good our lives really are if we just take the time to reflect on all that is good in our life, past and present. It's amazing the power in taking time to reflect and being thankful can have if you practice it a lot. It humbles you and fills your heart with joy because you realize just how blessed you are, even if it's just little things. You also realize you could have never achieved all of it on your own.

As many of you are aware it is Veterans Day. I would like to take the time to reflect and thank the many who have sacrificed much for our safety and freedom. I have had several family and friends serve in the military and I am so thankful to them for all they have done. Many of you who know my father and have heard him preach have most likely heard about my grandfather, Ken, who served in WWII. My dad always speaks with gratitude and pride towards our grandfather and I have always looked up to him. It's because of him and many like him that we are still free today and safe.

For me it is easy to be thankful today because I know personally the sacrifices that were made through stories from close family and friends. But even if you don't know anyone who has served, it is still important to be thankful to those who have, or are currently serving this country, because what they have done has affected you personally in many ways.

Growing up, if we saw any military personnel while we were out and about, my father always made it a point to thank that person for their service. That made an impact on me and I try to do the same today. For those that are reading this that have served, or are serving; I thank you. What you do, or have done, to keep us safe and free is deeply appreciated and always will be.

Contentment: The Key to Success

Some of you may be thinking by the title of this blog that I am going to speak on prosperity and perhaps that everyone can obtain it with this one simple trick!

Or perhaps you read into it differently, as I intended it, and figured out that it's real topic will be more about being content than finding success.

You see, success is something that changes meaning depending on the perspective you have about it. It can also create a desire in you that will never be fully satisfied. Contentment, however, is the perspective by which, no matter how your life turns out, you can feel successful and accomplished.

What I have observed in my own life, and in the lives of others, is that no matter how hard you try at something you may never succeed at it, especially to a standard you, or others, may have set. I have observed people equally as talented at something as another, yet one finds success and the other does not. I also see too many people become a slave to success and that brings misery. I was in that boat myself not too long ago. I had big dreams, but with them came the fear of never living up to those dreams. Don't get me wrong here, dreaming big is a wonderful thing to do and I still have those dreams. Where it becomes an issue is when you allow those dreams to determine everything you do and through the process refuse to be joyful until said dreams are obtained. Or you allow fear into your heart and you choose to never pursue those dreams in the first place.

The reality is your dreams may never be obtained as you perceive them. If you can come to terms with that then the process will be so much easier. The process to obtaining your goals will become something you enjoy and in the end you will look back with a full heart because of how you came to be there versus an emptiness from getting there no matter the cost and refusing to be satisfied until there.

Let us dream and aspire to fulfill those dreams, but let us also hold them loosely and choose to be okay if we never get there in the way we envisioned. One can still enjoy writing, per se, while never finding a large audience. One, also, can play music for the love of playing music, even if that music doesn't inspire many.

We must do what we love and pursue it to the best of our ability. We should always seek to be excellent in whatever we pursue, but let us not have the end sacrifice the means. Allow the means, the process, every day life be what we find fulfillment in, then we will feel successful all the time because we let the little things bring us joy and satisfaction. We may even reach our goals and that's great! But if we don't then that is great too because we had a wonderful adventure of it.