Worry, Joy, Regret..

Have you ever sat/lain alone with your own thoughts?

Have they kept you up at night? 

I am sure they have consisted of either worry/excitement for tomorrow,  pain/joy from today, or regret/fondness of the past.

WORRY

Personally, I have never really struggled with worry... much.

In fact I have been seen by others as so chill, that I was accused of being a stoner, before I even understood what that meant. 

There have been plenty of times I have experienced excitement for what lies ahead. I do not think that is wrong, per say, but we are not guaranteed tomorrow, so it is pointless.

We have all been conditioned to believe that 'we will live to see another day', and for the most part, we can almost count on it, but the truth is: tomorrow is never guaranteed.

JOY

For me has been an ever fleeting mirage..

I know it is different from happiness -- in the sense that joy is a choice despite one's circumstance, whereas happiness is a result of one's circumstance..

Joy, in the pit of life, however, has eluded me, and seems to always elude me..

REGRET

'Hello Darkness, my very old friend..'

It appears my mind was fashioned to be stuck in rewind, and then re-watch..

It is the river, I believe, that feeds the streams of my many 'smaller struggles'.

Regret may has well have been my middle name..

//

I always think over the many ways I have fucked up in my life.

This has become a constant cycle of despair.

I fuck up. I feel despair.

I drink excessively, and then fuck up again.

I feel more despair.

And so the cycle goes..

Believe me; I have tried hard to break the cycle, to no avail.

I know Jesus Christ is the answer, but honestly; I get to the point (sometimes) where I doubt even He can help me..

//

There have been times where I have come to a point where I have given up on the religion I was raised in..

But Someone has always brought me back.

I will never give up on the man/God: Jesus Christ.

Chalk it up to being raised as a pastor's kid if you want, but I believe it is more than that.

Think what you will about Him, but what He did for humanity will forever be the most beneficial event to humanity than any human could have done on his/her own.

//

Yes, Jesus Christ is an anomaly.

That is the point.

We are meant to search out truth.

The fact that there is some ambiguity to Jesus makes everyone search his/her own heart, and then reach out in faith, in order to make their own decision.

We all take things based upon faith everyday. (The sun will rise tomorrow, I will wake up the next morning after sleeping through the night, etc.)

None of that is guaranteed, yet we still take it all for granted.

May we all choose wisely.