Kindness: Gather Some Perspective

Let me ask you a question.

What would you respond to better as a human being, kindness or criticism?

The answer may be obvious, but why then are we always so cruel to one another? Why do we not treat others as we would like to be treated?

A lot of times we may think our criticisms are constructive, but I feel at times this may do more harm than good. There is such a thing as tough love, but I feel like there is a line that we too often cross. We can rebuke one another with kindness, in a way the other knows we care for them and their best interest.

Kindness and encouragement, I have found, do much more for people than any other alternative.
When we seek to build one another up, selflessly, people flourish and, usually, the loving kindness is reciprocated. On the flipside, when we criticize each other, people are left to wither and their talent is wasted. I wonder how many people could have changed the world for better, until someone shot them down..

We are all too quick to judge. It comes easier than the alternate because I believe we look for other's flaws instead of their qualities. We eagerly await them to fail so we can point out how they failed and bring them to our level.

We do not know what others are going through at any given time. We should know each other better than we do, but we never take the time to dig deep with one another. We often times keep one another at arm's length because we fear what others will think about us. We look at others with a skewed lense because it makes us feel better about how awful we are as people most of the time.

We instead need to shift our focus to the good in each other. If we all do this; magic happens. The impossible becomes possible. We serve to help each other succeed and, therefore, everyone ends up succeeding in their own ways for the betterment of humanity.

Lastly, it is said that kindness leads to repentance. One of the hardest things to do is to forgive someone who has wronged us. I believe choosing to love our enemy (someone who has wronged us in some way), is the best route to repentance and reconciliation from said enemy.

'But I do not want to be reconciled to my enemy!' you may say.

I say, 'Life is too short to remain in contention with one another.'

Be the better person, swallow your pride, and humbly return your enemy's attacks with love. You will be amazed the effect this has on someone. After all, our enemy is most likely hurting worse than we are and are just acting out of their own hurt.

We are all hurting in one way or another, just like the next person.

If we choose to take the time to really know one another; we will learn we are more alike than we thought. It is time consuming, yes, but the deep relationships we could forge will make it worth the effort in the long run.

Let us all choose to love one another with long suffering in the hope that we will all help one another live the best lives we have to the, yet unrealized, potential we have to live.

What Does It Mean to Have Faith?

Sometimes it scares me to think that my whole life and the decisions I make every day are based off of the words of one man who lived thousands of years ago.

The Christian faith is entirely based on believing this one man is good to his word, but I do not think this is such a stretch to believe in.

Every day we take people at their word, until they break it.

Some people are good to their word and, therefore, trustworthy.

Others have proven the opposite, and it takes a long time to regain the faith we had in them from the start.

Sometimes regained faith in someone never happens.

The fact remains, however, that we always put our faith in several different people every day, and if they fail us, than we no longer trust them.

The difference between me and my non-Christian friends is that I continue to choose every day to believe this one man's words.

Recently, I have decided to read all the words recorded by this one man alone.

I have not begun, to be honest, but I am very interested to see exactly all that this man said and chose to leave unsaid.

I do know he often went against the religious norm of his time and that his example still challenges all who believe in him to this day.

Every day we live by faith, whether we think we are or not; whether we believe in God or not.

We can count on the sun rising. We believe in wind, though we cannot see it, because we can feel it and see evidence of it among the trees. We also know the moon and the stars will be in the night sky, as they always have been. Et cetera.

If we think about the Christian faith, it really does not require much of us. It requires faith, of course, but that should not be too hard for us since we already put faith in a lot of different things, and people, every day.

Jesus Christ ascended into heaven after raising Himself from the dead a couple thousand years ago (This I have taken on faith.), but He has yet to accomplish all He said before He left this Earth.

While He was here, on Earth, He proved Himself trustworthy. Therefore, I have personally chosen to believe He will continue to be good to His word.

All that is really expected of every one is to continue to trust that He will be good to all He said before He left this Earth.

Jesus Christ pushed against the religious norm of His time, therefore, I too will push against the religious norm of my time, as long as it clashes with anything that He said.

We all choose to follow something, or someone, and I have chosen to put my faith in the man Jesus Christ.

I believe you should too.

Brokenness

The brokenness we see in our world, mirrors the brokenness within ourselves, yet we often ignore the latter in trying to fix the former. 

Most often we disregard that which is broken in us, or we choose, instead, to numb ourselves to it in search of escape. 

This ignorance causes us, unknowingly or not, to sow more broken seeds to the world, thus creating the viscous cycle we so desperately want to remedy.

Rarely does the brokenness we see around us magnify that which is within our hearts and we take notice. 

To those in which this does happen, consider it a gift. You have come to realize the real source of all that is wrong in the world.

We are a broken people.

We must look upon that which is wrong within us and, instead of running from it, we should seek to rectify it. 

We all should seek to renew that which is broken in ourselves first and foremost. 

Once this is done, we must then pursue helping others heal from their own seen, or unseen, brokenness because we ourselves have first come to understand what it means to be broken and have found the solution to becoming whole. 

For many of us, our brokenness is different, but for a lot of us it may also be the same. This is why we not only need to face our own brokenness, but once we find healing we should seek to help those who may be broken just like us. 

Healing may come differently for different people and many of us know too well time does not always heal all wounds. 

I personally have found my hope and healing in the man Jesus Christ and believe Him to be the only true path to complete wholeness. 

For some that may not be what you want to find wholeness from, but this should not deter you from seeking healing for yourselves and then for others. Sans Jesus, do what you can with what you have and then choose help others wade through their mess as well. 

Once we all put this to practice, all that is wrong in the world should slowly, but surely, become mended. 

A Glimpse Into My Journal

Today I am trying something new. I will be posting the script from one of my journal entries (dated: 05.10.2015). It may be a bit personal, yes, but I am trying to keep on track with honesty to y'all so here it goes.

Recently, I have struggled with loneliness. I thought I had found friendship in my coworkers (since then, it appears I have. Something I am grateful for.) and I know I have not been the brightest light to them, but I was trying to earn friendship first before digging deeper. Perhaps those bridges are still being built (I believe, now, they are getting somewhere).

I have also felt as though I have been failing God recently, but He has been continually showing me His love and has been opening my eyes to His faithfulness and grace.

To have faithfulness one must live up to the trust they have been given by another.

God is always faithful, so it is a wonder that it has been so difficult to put my full trust in Him when He has proved Himself time and again.

I am grateful for this time, as rough as it has been at times, because I have developed a deeper and more real understanding of God's grace and love towards me. I am still learning to put my trust in that because I tend to think very poorly of myself, but I truly believe what I have known in my head so long is finally taking residence in my heart.

There is still work to be done, of course, but I am grateful that the process has begun and that I have been given the ability to recognize it. This has been an answer to prayer.

I am learning a lot as I still stumble along mostly blind, but God is making progress within me, albeit slowly it seems. That is my own fault, however, due to my hesitance in completely trusting Him. I am making progress though and that gives me joy and peace.

Selfishness is still a large thorn in my side that tends to reveal itself in many ways. I know there is much I fail at daily and that I can do better, but I do not want to just make rules to abide by because that is not where true healing and change come from.

I must continually lean on God's grace and know that it is sufficient. Out of that trust He will continue the good work He has begun in me. I just hope that He will use me for His glory in the meantime.

Love is my focus, though I fail at that so often.

I will continue to try and trust God will make up for the rest.

Is It Okay to Be Happy?

In my last post I opened up about some things I struggle with. This post is somewhat of a followup.

Life, liberty, and the never ending pursuit of happiness.. That is how it should have been stated. We all live, but are we truly living? We claim liberty, but are we really free? Can one ever truly be happy?

I believe happiness is not a worthy pursuit at all. Instead, we must choose to be happy despite our current circumstances. One may call this being joyful and it is easier said than done.

One cannot always be happy and we just have to accept that. To pursue happiness is to chase the wind. If it is our focus, it will never be attained. We can feel the wind. So too can we feel joy if we allow ourselves too.

The pursuit of happiness is also very self-centered. What about others' happiness? Are we willing to sacrifice theirs so we may be granted ours? This appears to be the case: parents pursuing what they think they want while forgetting their kids' happiness; us being blind to the hurts of others because doing so would bring us down and their happiness is not what concerns us as long as we remain intact emotionally; people going to greater and greater lengths just to 'feel happy' from time to time without regard to how their behavior effects those around them.

I believe pursuing other people's happiness can be a great source of joy in our own lives.

One reaps what one sows.

To love others with the sole purpose of bringing them joy will bring one joy as well, if we allow it to. There will be times the love is not reciprocated and people pleasing is not what I am aiming at here, but there are those that will respond to our genuine acts of love and will return the favour.

Those relationships should be cherished and fostered. Never deviate from loving the other for their sake or the whole thing will fall apart because we will have allowed selfishness and our pursuit of happiness to creep in once again.

Let us love, and do unto, our neighbour as we love, and would have done unto, ourselves.

The Fear of Being Known

I have often wondered why I have a hard time with receiving love and accepting forgiveness.

I know myself more intimately than anyone, therefore, I see just how wretched I am as a man. When I look at myself and realize just how messed up I am I feel shame; I become depressed. 

I have always struggled to forgive myself and instead have tried to distract myself in different ways so as not to feel the pain of seeing who I am inside. This, of course, becomes a never ending cycle that is almost impossible to break. 

As someone who believes in Jesus Christ, I believe He knows me better than I know myself and that scares me. It is because of that fear that I have a hard time receiving His love. It does not compute to be fully known, yet still fully loved. I cannot do that for myself so how can anyone else? That is the beauty of grace though, is it not?

I choose to run from love for fear of being truly known and ruining it all. I hide behind laughter and project a very surfaced version of myself so as not to betray my shame, fear, and self-loathing. I look for acceptance in others so as to convince myself I am of some value in this world.

I have tried to be honest with others as best I can and many still love me despite seeing my ugliness, but I just cannot bring myself to accept that sometimes. I know that I should find solace in being valued by God, but the honest truth is I usually have a hard time really believing that. 

I know this is a more depressing post and I do not have any solutions, but I talked about being honest in my last post, so here is the ugly truth about some of what I stuggle with daily. I believe talking about it helps and my hope is that it will help others.

Something I do know and am trying my best to understand is: I am wholly loved, despite myself, by God and those people He has chosen to bless me with. I am forgiven, now and forever, of all my sin and shame. Finally, I must do my best to forgive myself, let go and choose to love (and identify with) who I am in Christ. It is then I am set free to love others as they are and as Christ loves them because I have learned to accept the love of Christ and have chosen to love myself despite myself as Christ loves me.

The courage to be honest and vulnerable with others, to allow oneself to be known by them sets one free from shame and opens the door to discover what it truly means to be fully known, yet wholly loved. It also allows those people to feel more comfortable to be vulnerable and risk being known, setting them free from shame and opening the door to authentic love.

Honesty: The Key to a Healthy Life

If you spend any time around kids you usually will come to find how bluntly honest they can be about life. They will lay out their life situations, whatever they may be, as they are, and usually without shame. Perhaps this is because they may not know any better, or really understand what is going on. Perhaps they just see life as it is, accept it for what it is, and therefore tell it like it is.

They do so without letting it take away from who they are as well. They are still children and behave as such. This is not to say it does not affect them, but they just seem to handle it better by not letting it define nor own them. They are usually still loyal and full of love towards those who put them in those situations, though there may be sadness there.

Like children, we too should be open and honest about our lives with others no matter how ugly it may be. We are all messed up and dealing with stuff so why hide it? An open, honest life with others frees you from the weight you may carry and helps to relieve those around you. Others see they are not alone and are more inclined to share their own lives with you. In return you can also help them.

There are too many people suffering alone in this world and I believe it is due to the fear of being honest with others. We project a better version of ourselves and therefore have very shallow relations with our fellow man. My whole life I have struggled with the inherent conviction that I can do nothing but perform well in order for others to accept me. The sad reality to that, however, is that no one gets to know the real you and there is always the struggle to keep face. That gets exhausting.

One can go their whole life doing this, perhaps to earn the favor of God or whatever. The reality is they still die and their life was more a waste than they believed. They toiled so hard to earn God's favor, and the favor of others, and all that was asked of them was to follow Jesus, to love him and to love others.

Many times our pursuit to maintain the "being a good person" aspiration distracts us from real relationships. "Being a good person" is not a worthy venture any way because no one can truly be good through and through. Only God is good, which is why he came on this earth to die so as to cover our sorry asses.

Allowing yourself to be known and airing your dirty laundry sucks, but it also brings freedom. All of Christianity's "heroes of the Bible" had done some pretty messed up stuff, which was written down for billions of people to read and learn from over the millenia. These people were also called friends of God, whereas those who tried to save face and be legalistic were not.

When things are brought to the light they cannot maintain a hold on you and usually you will find others will understand. You may find they do not understand as well, but the chance to help others open up and find healing because you first opened up to them is worth the shame and pain at the beginning.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

David stated this in the Psalm he wrote after being rebuked by the prophet Nathan for taking another man's wife for his own and then arranging the murder of said man. If you have not read the 51st Psalm it is highly recommended.

Honesty frees us from fear because hiding things from others breeds paranoia. The truth will come out eventually and honesty up front brings about healing more quickly, whereas time and secrecy allows for the potential pain to stab deeper when the truth does eventually come out. This is because we convince others to believe in someone we are not and they become accustomed to that person. If we were honest up front about who we were, people would know what to expect, and the impact would not be as drastic.

To open the door of your heart to others is to risk the opportunity for rich, authentic relationships. To keep that door closed off in different ways is to risk never knowing true intimacy with others and therefore completely miss out on the very reason we were created. Honesty in relationships is the crucible by which the strongest of friendships are forged. It is those relationships that will make a difference in life.

We are not alone in our struggles, so let us stop pretending like we are. Let us stop pretending we have all our shit together because we do not, and we never truly will. Let us instead open up and risk being truly known. Let us cease to strive to show others we are someone we can never truly be. Let us instead be open with others and in turn listen to them as they open up to us. Let us carry each others burdens so that we do not have to carry them alone.