Monday, October 17, 2016

Selfishness: A Painful Existence

This will be another long one friends, but I have learned a lot in a short period of time, and it is only fair for me to continue sharing with you all.

Perhaps if I were to try writing it more in story form you would stay interested. ;)

Here we go.

It was a cold, blustery day in the hundred acre wood..

Just kidding. That would be plagiarism.

It was a cold day, but it was in Seattle. It warranted a flannel and jeans, but nothing more. It was not even raining, surprisingly (each time I have visited Seattle, it has not rained lol).

I was on a business trip.

Some of you may not know, but I have been working for a moving company since I moved to Idaho, basically.

Two Men and A Truck has turned out to be a very positive opportunity for me. The job has allowed me to travel to several states I never would have had the free time to visit on my own.

I have been to: Washington, Oregon, Utah, Colorado, and Northern Idaho.

You might be saying to yourselves that Northern Idaho is not different than Idaho Proper, but you have not personally seen the difference, and so your argument is invalid.

Since I began this particular blog; I have been on a new adventure. My wife and I went to the Northern California coast. We stayed amongst the land of the Yurok. They are a coastal tribe of Native Americans, and their land is mesmerizing.

Upon the river, outside our B&B, there were local sea lions and tribal speed boats, constantly keeping an eye on everything.

We were in awe.

Everything on this vacation of ours was wonderful. It was necessary. For me, it allowed a lot of thinking, reflection, and relaxation.

I could go on, and on, about it, but our story begins in Seattle.

Never mind that it was the city of the Seahawks, which I was born to root for (without shame).

I was out of town for work. We rode the public transit to the heart of downtown. There was a lot of 'people watching' on my part. My phone was dead. Coincidence? I think not.

The shuttle from the hotel introduced us to a middle aged couple scantily clad en route to a strip club. We soon found out they were swingers, from the driver, after they had left the shuttle.

Once on the train, I observed an oriental family board and discuss what they were to do next. The son always seemed uninterested. He was obviously exhausted and just wanted to close his eyes, if only for a moment.

I watched a very high couple of friends board the transit (pot is legal there). We ran into them throughout the evening.

When we arrived downtown we tried looking for a place to eat. We decided on the Hard Rock Cafe.

Nothing else was open.

As we entered, we witnessed two young women exiting the restaurant. One asked the other, 'Are you going to take this acid now, or not?!' (There were also several women way beyond their limit, stumbling down the street near Pike's Place at the same time.)

It was a lot to absorb in a short amount of time. I could not help but contemplate.

Life sucks in a lot of ways. There are a lot of people who are hurting and trying to cope. There are a lot of ways we try and cope. We all destroy ourselves, or those around us, in the pursuit of escaping the pain.

In the dank smell of the subway, the cold, salty air of Seattle, the reek of marijuana, the sounds of the city; I discovered something, and I became humbled.

Not only am I not alone in pain, but there are those in worse condition than I. This seems like common sense, but let us be honest with ourselves; we ignore the pain of others around us because we are trying to ignore the pain in our own lives. Let us open our eyes!

My eyes were, graciously, opened to the pain of others around me on that trip. Thank God my phone was dead, or I may have never resumed my insight into other's pain.

For some reason, I have always been sensitive to other's emotions. I used to joke that I am an Empath, like a character out of Star Trek.

I lost my compassion. I became distracted by my own pain. I got too caught up in all I was going through personally, that I lost sight of everyone else's troubles. I never meant for that to happen. I became as a ship lost at sea. The admiral became so focused on the devastation around his own ship that he failed to observe the rest of his fleet becoming splinters..

The purpose of this blog is to apologize. I have since been reminded that there are those suffering more than I, and my foot has never tasted so ghastly. My hope is to never again lose focus of the pain of those around me, in order that I may exercise compassion as they so crave.

I will continue to be honest in my writings. It should continue to push the boundaries and, hopefully, continue to provide comfort, and encouragement, to others that they are not alone. Though my several previous blogs were mainly journal entries made public; you all have responded beyond anything I ever expected. I admit I was working through a lot of things personally, but you all allowed my heart to bleed. You all responded well, and you have helped me along the path of healing.

I was selfish in a lot of ways. I became more focused on my own pain, than those around me. Yes this helped me to heal personally, but I do regret that I was not able to remain sensitive to everyone else in my life.

Selfishness is a sneaky bitch, is it not? It is the thorn so deeply imbedded in us all, that it is almost impossible to recognize, much less remove.

Selfishness/Self-love/Self-preservation seems so natural, but it is not. We were not meant to look out for ourselves. If we were all to look out for those around us with disregard to our own needs/desires, than all needs/desires would be fulfilled.

Instead we all look out for ourselves, and we all still live in pain. We cannot fulfill ourselves. We were meant for communal love.

Please come along aside me in the pursuit of loving others, without any agenda. My eyes have been opened, and though I will still fail; I will strive to make sure those I love know that I truly love them.

Let us help each other move on from the painful existence of selfishness, and instead pursue the building up of one another.

Only then can anything worthwhile be accomplished.

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