Friday, January 25, 2019

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Try to imagine you’re buried alive. You panic for a bit, but decide it’s best to keep calm. Alas! There is a string buried with you! You give it some pulls, gently at first, then vigorously as your desperation increases, yet no one is around to hear your death bell toll. 

That’s what severe depression can feel like, and it’s very real while one is experiencing it. 

It’s not common for people to share this kind of thing with those around them, because at the time they are just trying to survive and don’t think to reach out for help. It’s not always because they don’t want to burden people, but often because one becomes so engrossed in suffocating they think in millisecond moments. 

It’s become more and more common these days for people to actually understand when one does broach the subject of depression, because more people seem to understand or have the ability to relate from personal experience. As sad as it may seem that more people understand what it feels like, I think it’s a good thing, because it has become easier to find people with whom you can relate and get advice from. 

Yet, there are still a majority of those that do not understand, and probably never will. They don’t recognize the signs, or they don’t seem to care enough to pay attention (we have also become adept at masking being okay, even happy. We’re skillful liars sometimes, just not wanting to make things worse, if we even say anything at all). 

If anyone has shared with you about struggling with depression, I can almost guarantee they have more than struggled with it, like a rash that won’t go away or whatever. Don’t brush over those conversations. Try to sympathize and learn as best you can when someone does open up to you. 

Pay more attention to people as well. Choose to notice differences in people’s demeanor, and do something about it. Anything! I can’t stress this enough, it could be a matter of life or death (I’ve been there). Try your best not to be those who arrive after the bell stops ringing. 

Friday, January 4, 2019

Vagabond of Brokeness

Humanity is a tapestry. Each of us our own stitch in existence.

Humanity is a broken mirror. Crevices abound and our reflection is nowhere near perfect.

Humanity is an orchestra. Alone we may make beautiful music, but together there is beauty that touches the soul.

To be human is a complicated formula with no perfect solution. We try in vain. We vex ourselves over the course of our lives and never get it perfect.

Humanity is an amalgamation of misfit toys stranded on an island, longing for love lost, and finding it in each other.

I once wrote, ‘I walked a line once blurred between reality and the absurd. The line is razor thin, but I will never be that man again.’ It is a comforting lie we tell ourselves. Always striving for greatness. Always falling short with pet skeletons in our closet.

Vagabond. One who wanders. No home to speak of, yet making the most of where they are at night.

Identities change, whether out of necessity, or the toll of life. What about the in between? The unknown flux one is not aware of in the moment until they are on the other side?

If my house had a name, I would call it Void. Free on its own with nothing to offer, yet it somehow brings others in. A mystery still unsolved.

Humanity is brokenness and I am the man who walks amidst the cracks.